I live in a flat on a street where all the flats are connected together. One long curving building that runs the length of the avenue; more like maisonnettes than flats as the building is two stories high. I live on the second floor. There are mature trees bowing to the wind outside my window.
Last night I dreamed…
I am sitting outside on my balcony. It’s daytime, the sun is vaguely warm, the wind blowing, the green of the trees vibrant against the blue sky. I look up and realise that one of my neighbours is walking towards me on scaffolding which has been constructed along the whole of the street. I feel anxious and vulnerable. Living on the top floor affords me some kind of security. The scaffolding means that anyone could reach my window – come in uninvited….
The scaffolding isn’t yet complete, only the walkways are in place but my neighbour had taken it upon herself to climb out of her window and walk along the second floor, despite the fact that there is nothing to stop her falling. She’s using it as a short-cut. I watch her in the dream, annoyed by her audacity, fascinated by her utter faith in her ability to walk the high plank of wood without falling.
In waking life this was someone I used to work with. Someone who owned her own business and chose to keep that business going by not paying half her staff or suppliers until it suited her, if at all. I left on bad terms, owed money and generally horrified and upset by her disregard for the feelings and lives of others.
In my dream she represents that part of myself that wants to throw caution to the wind and dance along the scaffolding before I’m ready. Can I ‘walk the plank’ and survive? I may desperately want to leave the day job, but in doing so it is likely that I wouldn’t be able to pay me either – certainly not at first. With no safety net in place, I would be wide open to falling flat on my face. Yet whilst I don’t wish to be as ruthless as she was, there is certainly something about trusting yourself. In the dream she is as sure-footed as the mountain goat, blithely trusting that she won’t get hurt. My Saturn is now slowly moving towards his final opposition to Chiron in the 8th house at 01ARi00: old wounds run deep so it seems. But this combination asks kindly that I learn from these wounds, use them to master the art of having the confidence to flourish, to trust my head. The shoot from the seed doesn’t know where it will come up – it only knows it heads towards the Sun.
Today Saturn stations direct and the Moon is in business-like Capricorn so it seems something of the energy of the skies has filtered into my dreams.
Saturn is currently travelling through my second house and boy has he lived up to his ability to bind and restrict. Money has become so tight that I am robbing Peter to pay Paul, mostly due to recurring illness that has forced me to take time away from the day job. Yet Saturn has also provided me with Time. Time at home has meant time to study astrology and time to write, time to develop my business plan and website in preparation for self employment. As Saturn tripped over first natal Pluto and then Uranus, he forced me to look at what I needed to release in order to find my freedom. In the process of getting rid of old structures, it seems that it has shown where what is left needs repair and rennovation. In my dream the sight of the scaffolding left me feeling vulnerable and exposed – rather like Saturn’s journey through my second house has. I have fought tooth and nail with myself to stay within a day job whilst I build my astrological practice. The battle between Saturn and Uranus has been extreme. Sometimes it feels as though this has manifested as illness in order to force me to take time out to master what I truly desire, to give time to what I truly value. Saturn traveling through the 2nd suggests that nothing can happen quickly despite the pressure of Uranus. I may want to ‘break out’ but I need to do it slowly and steadily.
Saturn is a builder from the ground up, he reinforces and he constructs. He requires disciple, effort and endurance. In Virgo he has asked me to look at the details – quite difficult for someone like me with an Aquarian Moon and a barrage of Aries in my chart! He has also sometimes set me back with the relentless grumble of the inner critic.
As Saturn stations direct, there is a release of energy. Things can move forward again. Saturn held me in place because I needed to be there whether I liked it or not. Saturn knew I needed to look at what was holding me back, to rebuild some inner structures so that I can feel more confident in myself and to discover through limitation what I really value in my life.
And what I value is time. Time to practice those things which are important to me. Time to master the skills I have been learning over so many years. Time to read, time to think, time in silence.
Saturn originally stationed retrograde at 4LIB39 on the 12th January 2010 and will finally complete the retrograde cycle by hitting this degree again 9 months later on the 5th September 2010. Despite the fact that Saturn has just turned direct, we still have a way to go before his work is done. I love how Erin Sullivan in her wonderful book Retrograde Planets: Traversing the Inner Landscape reminds us that the Saturn cycle is like a pregnancy.
“Saturn delivers that which he has entombed”
The Sabian symbol for 4LIB39 is
A Man Revealing To His Students The Foundation Of An Inner Knowledge Upon Which A “New World” Could Be Built.
We have been asked to learn to trust our inner selves, look to what we know deep down inside. Our authenticity is what gives us that foundation we are looking for. A true teacher is one who allows his student to unfold from the inside out. We are creating a new world right now. Right now we are in a process of becoming…
My dream revealed to me the nature of Saturn’s work in my chart. My restructuring is not yet finished. I can choose whether I wish to feel vulnerable and exposed or whether I acknowledge that this is a time where I can test my commitment and trust what I have learned so far. Saturn also however reminds me that it isn’t wise to take foolhardy risks just to get ‘there’ quicker yet I could probably use a little of that ‘foolhardy courage’ so audaciously used by my neighbour in the dream. Saturn forces us to take responsibility for our actions, whether we stand or fall.
Right now I choose to trust what I know and also to welcome in a little entrepreneurial spirit (my natal Saturn is in Aries). In order to build a new world, the old world must be allowed to fall. Times of transition can certainly make us vulnerable but Saturn will often remind us that we are stronger than we feel, stronger that what we ever thought possible.