My friend and I have a running joke that neither of us make good mediums as we both spook too easily! The truth is that in my life I have had many experiences which would leave most people thinking I’m either mad (been there, done that) or away with the fairies.
My path is a strange one to say the least and I’d be the first to admit it. I’ve always seen and sensed things that seem to pass others by and I have become comfortably aware that I’m often between two worlds. The other worlds, dream places and other dimensions are all as real to me as this reality and I walk the thin line between the two, listening to voices from either side.
I was 22 when I got my first job as a tarot reader working on a tarot line that had become the new money making scheme of the early 90’s. I was naive and green in the art of protection. Working up to 80 hours a week for a faceless company director who apparently thought what we did was all nonsense, I regularly got to the point where my psychic senses were so open I was seeing cards flash infront of my eyes before the next caller called. For all my frustration on how the company was run, the pitiful pay and long hours, this was the place where I learned a great deal of the craft of tarot and psychic awareness.
I have many strange tales to tell but I wanted to tell you about what happened one night when I was working. I was awaiting the arrival of my colleague James who was due to take over from me on the next shift. He was late and I wanted to go home and sleep. The door opened but instead of him, another colleague came in to say goodbye as he was on his way home. I didn’t know Pete very well but he came over for what I imagine was meant to be a quick chat before leaving.
I do remember having that strange sensation of cobwebs that I usually get right before a spirit makes themselves known…
“Hi Pete” I said brightly “Have you seen Ja..J…Jacob”?
I was trying to say James (the guy who was late) but suddenly my mouth didn’t seem to be my own. Pete was looking at me very strangely and I felt breathless. There was a presence all around me and I couldn’t shake it. I tried to speak but all I could say was ‘Jacob’. My voice sounded strangled and I could see Pete started to tremble. Later, another lady I worked with who saw what happened told me my lips were going blue.
I seemed to be in a bubble set outside of time. All I could think of was to pick up the pen beside me and draw on the paper I used to doodle whilst I was on the phone. I didn’t know what I was meant to draw but I just held the pen lightly in my hand and let it do whatever it needed to do. I found myself drawing the letter ‘S’ over and over again until Pete finally reached forward and touched me, breaking the bubble and the contact.
His face was shocked. I started to cry. I had absolutely no idea what had just happened but I had never felt so scared in my life.
Pete then quietly told me that he had just found out that someone he knew had died. Jacob had had a terrible fight with his partner which had resulted in his partner kicking him in the throat. Jacob died of asphyxiation. His partner’s name was Sean.
As soon as Pete told me what had happened, I understood why Jacob had come through so forcefully. He had never meant to hurt me. He was simply in a state of shock at finding himself on the other side, dead at the hands of someone he loved. It had been a physical fight that had gone too far. The feeling I experienced from Jacob was that he knew Sean had never meant to kill him and he still loved him. He still loved all his friends and just wanted an opportunity to pass the message on. Jacob’s presence moved away from me in a mingling of sorrow and joy.
I think I shook all the way home that night. Despite understanding what had happened I felt terrified that I had had no control over it.
“I don’t want to do this!” I snapped at the world of Spirit. The world of Spirit simply smiled back at me and enveloped me in a wave of love.
Things like this don’t happen everyday. My life isn’t a horror movie. To date, I have only had one further experience similar to this and that was also connected to someone who had just been killed. But that first experience left me once and for all convinced that we do move on to other places after death and that communication is possible. Even though I’d had many experiences in childhood and was firmly sure of my Pagan faith, some part of me had still remained on the fence when it came to talking with spirits – even though I had seen a very accurate medium before! I think the truth was that I was simply afraid; afraid of exactly what had happened and afraid of what it might mean for my life.
Experiences like the one I have described are rare. Over the 20 years or so that have passed since that time, I have come to know that Spirit can speak through a breath of warm air on a cold day, a quiet voice in my mind, a bird tapping on the window unexpectedly. Sometimes I will feel my old dog curl up against my back as I fall asleep or smell my Grandmother’s perfume. I might turn on the television or open a book and a pertinent word or phrase will jump out. And sometimes there are vivid dreams that leave no need for translation. Spirit speaks in the way it can, using what it has available and most often in the kindest way possible.
As we approach Hallowe’en night and the ancient festival of Samhain, the gateways between the worlds are opening. Children are dressing up as ghosts and ghouls and pretending to scare us, horror movies are shown on tv and pumpkins scooped ready to shed their toothy light out to the world. I love this festival. It is a time to remember those who have passed over, tend to graves and attend to the living through feasting and laughter. Visit your grandparents and let them tell you stories of their youth. Time passes all too fast.
Now is the time to curl up with your lover and celebrate life amidst death. The ancient Goddess may be in her Hag aspect but she is also pregnant with the new Sun/Son due to be born at Yule. She is the ying yang containing all, the womb and the tomb and that which we all return to. In astrology look to where Scorpio and Pluto are in your chart. It is a good time to meditate on the meaning they have for you.
Make space in your life to welcome the dead and the living. They are two side of the coin; the endless circle of existence. In the end nothing dies, it is only transformed. Look to what needs to be transformed in your own life. What have you ‘harvested’ this year? Will it sustain you?
Cut an apple crossways and see how it contains the sacred star – the symbol of unity of all elements Fire, Earth, Air, Water and Spirit. The apple indeed does contain the wisdom of the Gods. Ponder on the fact that sacred is an anagram of scared. Eat the apple and keep the seeds to plant as a symbol of your own growing wisdom with each passing year.
And lastly don’t be afraid of being spooked at Hallowe’en. In the end there is only fear and love. By reminding us of our fears, the festival reminds us of love in equal measure.
Some names have been changed in this post for confidentiality reasons.